Reflections on Living Alone

Yesterday would have been Linda’s 54th birthday. It was about this time last year that she took a noticeable turn for the worse, spending less than three more weeks with us. She graduated to heaven on March 3, 2008. I have been thinking much more, of late, about her joy in heaven than I have my sorrow here on earth without her. Maybe that is partially due to the fact that the holidays – from Thanksgiving until after New Years – were so difficult that I am intentionally keeping those sad thoughts at bay.

Either way, I miss her terribly and I thought it was a good time to reflect on living alone. So, here goes:

1. I am not really alone

If one is a Christian, that is not the desperate cry of faith; it is the reality of God’s presence patiently sustaining those of us who are left behind. That doesn’t mean it is easy. Au contraire, it is painful beyond explanation. But, we have known for a long that this life is difficult, and it is not nearly as tough for us as it is for people who are trying to find only enough food to stay alive today, or who are watching, from a hiding place, their loved ones being hacked to death because they were born into the wrong tribe.

But, we always lived life within our own context, and that is to be expected. That is why I redirect the conversation when someone says to me, “Well, this situation is hard for me, but it is nothing like you are going through.” True enough, but you can’t know what I am going through until you experience it (and, I pray that you will not experience it until you are 97 years old!), so whatever you are facing right now is tough enough for you at the moment – and, I care.

Back to the main point, though – we are not alone, no matter what it feels like. But, I am in the place where I have opportunity to experientially embrace the reality of God’s presence like I never have been in my life. Not that I am doing it. I am, in fact, taking a bit of time away from church this week to seek the Lord.

2. Looking up is more natural from the bottom

Why is it that we have to come to the end of ourselves before we will really learn to trust God? Is it because we are self-absorbed and self-preservationists in every area of our lives – materially, emotionally, even spiritually as we seek to justify our paltry faith that passes for a “walk with the Lord?” Yes. Oh, to learn the lesson in an easier fashion! Our failure to look up expectantly is only an indication that we have not reached bottom – and, do we really want to take that plunge? Better to look to the Lord NOW!

3. It is almost as expensive to live alone as it is with another

Really!

4. It is hard to cook for one

That’s what Linda used to always tell me. I would ask, incredulously, “WHY? You need to eat, and better to eat well than to scrounge!” I would not ask that question, now.

5. I am a better dancer

Well, a less inhibited one, anyway!

6. Life is about priorities

You know that anyway, but it absolutely comes into focus when you live alone. The tendency, especially when you live alone and you are grieving, is to fill your life with noise. Another way of saying that is that it is extremely easy to waste time. I am very busy, thank goodness, but when I have free time, the temptation is great to avoid the important so that I can “check out” emotionally. There are a lot of good TV shows on these days – I could not have told you anything of note about more than one or two shows that were playing for the last 35 years, but I find myself attracted to the trivial these days. I don’t know if this is a grief thing, or a living alone thing. Doesn’t matter – life is about priorities for all of us.

7. The value of friends

God has always blessed me with good friends. In every stage of life, He has provided those who want to make my life better. My friends are especially important, now. As the great theologian John Mayer said, “You know it’s nothing new, bad news never had good timing. Then, the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining.” How true! Thank you for your love, care, and friendship.