Tis Better to Have Loved - Linda Faile Talley: February 11, 1955 - March 3, 2008

I must agree with Alfred Lord Tennyson who said, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Love has risks. The greater the love, the greater the risk. Many people refuse to love because of the fear of rejection, the fear of disappointment, the fear of loss. But, in every case, the emphasis is on the fear of what may happen to – me!

The ultimate price that love pays is loss. One year ago today, I lost the love of my life. Now, do not think that I do not consider my children, their spouses, and my grandchildren and the rest of my family to be loves of my life – I do! But, I am not “one flesh” with any of them. Linda and I were absolutely one.

I do believe that God gave Linda and me a love that was rare in these days. Oh, it wasn’t always that way! Both of us wondered in those early years of marriage if this is what love really is. But, God allowed us to figure it out. What we learned was that our frustrations with one another that precipitated arguments were not attacks. There were genuine differences, but they were not attacks, though they were absolutely perceived that way by the other one. We spoke different languages (as men and women are apt to do), and once we were willing to put in the work that was necessary to communicate in a way the other one could understand, the commitment to not only stay with one another through difficult times, but to love the other one during those times, paid off in ways beyond our wildest expectations!

Love has its risks. We both thought that we were paying the price of disappointment for the first several years of our marriage. We were not ultimately fulfilled as we had hoped to be, though we had seasons of genuine happiness. But, maybe that was OK because we learned to protect our own hearts. Neither one of us was going anywhere because we were committed to God’s plan and to one another, we had three phenomenal children – we were doing OK. Life was more than acceptable, even though we had hoped for more. Maybe it was best just not to risk giving our hearts fully to one another, but to love as best we knew how.

It is true that the greater the love, the greater the risk. It is equally true that the greater the risk, the greater the potential reward. The pity of failure to love that comes in an attempt to avoid pain is the failure to be loved as one could be loved. Now, do not read more into that than is intended. I have close friends that are very fulfilled who have never been married. If you are already married though, or if you have full intentions of being married someday, the only thing you protect yourself against by not fully giving your heart to your spouse (or, spouse to be) is the potential of being loved at the level you want to be.

“But,” you protest, “I may get hurt.” True enough. You will also never know the joy of being fully loved. The “self” that you are protecting will never become all that it could be. The irony of true love is that as you give yourself completely to another, you become (often on the basis of the love that is returned from the one to whom you have given your whole heart) so much better as a person, much more fulfilled, much more successful in life. Even if your love is unrequited, you are the unwitting beneficiary of true love. Did not our Savior say that it is better to give than to receive?

The pain of losing Linda has been almost unbearable at times this past year. On my way to the funeral home last week to visit one of our members who had lost her mother, I cried out, impulsively, at the top of my voice, “NO!” It was out of the blue. On balance, the pain is somewhat subdued these days and I do not seek to aggravate the wound. If every day were spent in the pit of despair, though, I would unhesitatingly say, “LOVING LINDA AND BEING LOVED BY HER WAS WORTH THE PAIN!” Without question!

I miss Linda. I miss her touch. I miss the way that she could soothe my troubled soul when I felt that I had made a foolish remark in the pulpit on Sunday morning (which happens more than I would wish to confess!). I miss her sweet, sweet smile and even sweeter, kinder spirit. I miss her desire with every fiber of her being to build me up in respect and to love me unconditionally and to find her greatest joy in this life (outside of her relationship with the Lord) in my love for her. I miss buying gifts for her. I miss calling her when I am on my way home from church or from a movie or from anywhere. I miss everything about my precious wife. Everything.

But, God blessed me with this great love for thirty-one and a half years! And, I am a FAR better person for having been the object of Linda’s love. I realize that God gave me the gift of one of His most incredible creations. And, while I am so glad that she was mine for a long season of my life, I know that she belonged to you, also. We are all blessed, are we not? On this day of grief, let us also give thanks to God for His grace to us in the beautiful, beautiful person of Linda Ruth Faile Talley. Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.